Pinko-Commie, Baby-Killing Liberals: Stay Away From Pasquo

Joey had quite a time when his van broke down following our radio show Sunday morning. His van came to a stop outside the home of a man who initially seemed willing to help. Joey recalls the conversation:

"Would you like a glass of water?" he asked, "I can get you a glass of water," he offered.

"Oh, no thanks," I told him. Truth be told, I wanted my daddy to come help and for him to just leave me the hell alone.

"Well, let me get an oil filter. We'll filter some oil," he goes.

"Oh, that's fine. I'm capable of waiting for my dad."

But as soon as I said that, the crazy conservative disappeared into the underbrush with an oil filter and a ready smile.

"Pop yur hood," he goes, licking his parched lips.

"Um, okay."

"What do you think that you did to your van?" he asked.

"Well, I was up at the radio station," I told him, pointing to the direction of Radio Free Nashville. "I think that I ran over something." Upon saying this, I recalled the polarizing nature of RFN. It's not like it's Lightning 100 or Jazz 89.

"Well, that's karma," he answered like a backwoods sage, "that's what you get for hanging out with faggot, pinko-commie, n*****-loving liberals."

My mouth was hanging open in utter shock as the crazy conservative lunged at me with his oil filter. "You faggot, baby-killing liberal," he goes. (Of course, this was the guy who two mintues prior was offering up water, mind you.)

"And you're a Christian, too?" he gaped, pointing to the metallic fish on the back of my mini-van.

"Uh-huh, well kind of..."

"You can't be Democrat and Christian. You baby-killing Christian," he muttered under his rank breath.

"Well, I don't necessarily agree with abortions," I started. "I don't think anyone is for abortions," I managed a nervous laugh.

"That's not what John Kerry said. He's a baby-killer."

The crazy conservative walked away completely disgusted. I was frightened by him because after the fact, he returned to chopping wood.

This frightening exchange took place only a few miles from my house. No one is suggesting that Joey's would-have-been helper is representative of all conservatives or all residents of Pasquo (where WRFN is technically located). At any rate, the parallels between Joey's story and the parable of the good Samaritan are striking.