Given Recent Events, Should the U.S. Allow a State to Call Itself New Mexico?

By allowing a state on our southern border to be called "New Mexico," the United States is practically inviting illegal immigrants from regular Mexico. Think of it this way: Sneaking across the border from Mexico to Texas seems dangerous, risky; but crossing the border from old Mexico to New Mexico seems as natural as downloading a newer version of one's web browser. And, frankly, considering our current immigration crisis and the ubiquity of activists who confuse Mexican nationalism and American patriotism, the name "New Mexico" is just unpatriotic. It's time for a change.

A logical new name for New Mexico would be "New America," but that would imply an "old America" and suggest that we are a nation divided. Still, renaming the 47th state is a welcome opportunity to come up with a state name that is not derived from a foreign language or the name of an Indian tribe. This time, we need something distincly American-sounding. New Mexico calls itself the "Land of Enchantment"; maybe we could officially rename it the "Land of Freedom" or the "Land of Native Citizens." Then again, we only have one state named after an American president. Apparently, naming states after our great American leaders isn't "politically correct." But we don't have to put up with political correctness: New Mexico could become "Reagan" or "Bush."

At any rate, New Mexico needs a new name soon if it wants to remain a part of the Union. Border security, after all, is as much a matter of psychology as it is a matter of policy or personnel. Right now New Mexico is a 120,000-square-mile welcome sign for illegal immigrants, and that has to change.

I think I'm supposed to put a satire disclaimer somewhere.