1 Kings 19:11-13 for the 21st-Century Mainline Church

Below is my rewrite of 1 Kings 19:11-13. Read the explanation at Save Yourselves From This Corrupt Generation.

1 Kings 19:11-13 (paraphrase)
He said, "Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by." Now there was a great fight about the place of homosexuals in the church, so strong that it was splitting denominations and breaking hearts in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the fight over homosexuality; and after the argument about homosexuality an outcry about a statement made by a bishop, but the Lord was not in the outcry; and after the outcry charges of apostacy leveled against a prominent but controversial church leader, but the Lord was not in the charges of apostacy; and after the charges of apostacy a sound of sheer silence. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. Then there came a voice to him that said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"