This May Be the Most Profound and Provocative Article The Onion Ever Has Published

KENEMA, SIERRA LEONE—Standing waist-deep in one of the many gravel pits that surround the city of Kenema, and struggling to fight off the harsh African sun, local diamond miner Muwomba D'akari was deeply saddened Monday to learn of Linda Hines and David Meyer's recently canceled wedding engagement.

"Dave and Lulu? But that can't be," said D'akari, who in early 2009 awoke at dawn, dragged his meager frame eight miles to work, and spent half a day digging out the precious stone used by Meyer to propose to his then girlfriend. "The two of them, they were absolutely perfect for each other. David and Linda, they were so, so in love."

Read the entire thing. Please.