I Propose a Moratorium on Sending American Men to Roland Garros

This is just embarrassing. Male tennis players from the United States have gone 0-9 in this year's French Open. Roddick lost; Blake lost; Spadea, Gimelstob, and five guys no one's ever heard of lost. While American men usually struggle in Paris—Americans have won only four men's titles at the Roland Garros in the Open Era—this is the first time since the 1973 Australian Open that no man has represented the United States in the second round of a Grand Slam tennis tournament.

The problem is obvious: Americans don't know how to play on clay. In men's tennis right now, there are two outstanding players—Federer and Nadal. There's not much disparity in talent among the next hundred or so players. Thus, for example, if the 125th best player in the world is more comfortable on a given surface than the 3rd best player in the world, the 125th best player is well positioned to pull off the upset.

At any rate, the plight of American men in Paris will require government intervention. If we want to be competitive in the men's draw at the French Open, Congress needs to pass a law requiring every American city with a population over 100,000 to have at least one public park with clay tennis courts. Otherwise, Congress must authorize the Department of Homeland Security to prevent any male tennis player who claims United States citizenship from traveling to Paris during the last week of May or first week of June.