Things I Would Totally Do If I Had the Time and Energy

• Make a batch of carrot ketchup.


• Write a formal rulebook for Hexagon, the sport I invented that involves three teams playing with two balls on a hexagonal field of play.


• Build a deck on the front of my house to replace the raised-bed gardens of shrubs and decorative plants that we inherited when we moved in and have been unable to maintain. This would require purchasing some tools and taking some DIY classes at Home Depot.


• Draw a brown-pencil-on-canvas piece called "Macaroni and Cheese in a Breakfast Nook in an Apartment on Titan." I made a rough sketch of this drawing a few weeks ago during some downtime at work. One can see Saturn in the night sky through the titular breakfast nook. I enjoy drawing macaroni noodles.


• Write a web-based serial based in the fictional city of Adelaide, Illinois. (I've actually put some work into this project. If you are at all interested, you can read through this hodgepodge of incomplete and unedited rough drafts.)


• Audit some physics or astronomy courses at Belmont or TSU.


• Produce a series of "Tuesday Night Disco" YouTube videos. Let me explain: "Tuesday Night Disco" comes from a conversation I had several years ago with one of the many managers I worked for during my six-summer tenure at Wendy's. When he found out that I was going to college in Evansville, he decided to tell me about his college days in Vincennes (which is about one hour north of Evansville), and particularly about a weekly on-campus dance party called "Tuesday Night Disco." He boasted that, in college, he earned the nickname "Nasty Boy" ("You know, like the Janet Jackson song") because, at Tuesday Night Disco, he was always dancing with two different girls at the same time. The image that my brain produced of my former boss getting nasty on a Vincennes, Indiana dance floor is as vivid in my mind now as it was 13 years ago. I would love to use the magic of the Internet to bring Tuesday Night Disco to people living outside of southwestern Indiana. I mean, nothing else really happens on Tuesday nights.


• Record a new Adverbs album, or at least some new Adverbs songs. At the moment I have an out-of-tune piano and a bunch of songs with incomplete lyrics. (You can record the last Adverbs album for free in the sidebar.)


• Cook a spaghetti burger. That is, a sandwich with a patty made from spaghetti noodles (and the assorted ingredients required to make the noodles stick together as a patty). I like to think that the spaghetti burger is something that I came up with, but Google tells me that Rachel Ray already has a recipe for such a sandwich.


• Write a musical based on the songs of Rancid. It would be called Alleyways and Avenues.


• Sew a bunch of throw pillows. I'd need a sewing machine, and those aren't cheap. But small, square pillows are so simple and so easy to make that it's a shame that 1) anyone pays money for them and 2) no school or church (that I'm aware of) has made and sold throw pillows as a fundraiser.